Is anyone out there?

I just wonder sometimes if anyone really sees or hears me for who I really am. I know people always say that you should dance like nobody is watching, but what if I want someone to watch? I feel like I am constantly in motion with no potential break in sight, but what am I really accomplishing? Parenting is a continuous minefield of happiness, peppered with tenuous moments. It would be nice to enjoy a meal, read a book, or oh hell, even go to the bathroom without someone breaking into a wail! I know that it can only get better from here, but as it gets better my children will only like me less and less, and therefore want to have less and less to do with me, so is that really better? I try to enjoy the little precious moments with them as much as possible, but they seem  so fleeting, I feel like they just slip through my fingers.

My Oh My how the tables have turned

Well, I was feeling a little depressed yesterday because: 1. I was really, really hungover after taking 12 shots at home with the hubs, and 2. Everyone seemed to be generally pissing me off. Let me explain, I work at a restaurant that my husband's family owns and he essentially grew up in. While working at said restaurant it is safe to say that I have become a member of the BBD family. Last year at this time I was very pregnant with Max, and I had been working there for 4 years non-stop. When we were sending out invitations to our baby shower, we of course included everyone from work on our mailing list. This turned out to be a HUGE mistake seeing how absolutely no-one that we worked with showed up or gave us a gift. Even though it's been a year, the wound felt very fresh yesterday when a fellow co-worker, who has returned from many years abroad, was having a shower with his wife for their 2nd child. Everyone at work was all abuzz yesterday about the party, they just couldn't wait to get off work to hurry and get a gift for the couple. Now don't get me wrong, I love this couple and I wish them nothing but the best, but it was very hurtful to hear the same people that snubbed us being so excited for someone that they don't even really know anymore. However, I'm feeling a little better today because low and behold, no one showed up to their party either! How ridiculous to act so excited to their face, and just not show up! I have decided that I will no longer have anything to do with the majority of these people either during or away from work.

ugh

Why is it that a once well sleeping child soon transforms into a screaming wreck at every naptime? I know, I know, different ages equals different stages, but how am I supposed to keep up? As I'm writing this, Max is wailing belligerently in his crib, unable to do what he did only a few short weeks ago, lay down and go to sleep without a fight. I hope to one day be able to understand my child, or perhaps just get some earplugs and hope that the problem corrects itself.

Let's face it, I'm a wino...

So, after a couple of glasses of wine I'm feeling like an artist, but let's face it who isn't. What is there to do in Tulsa other than get sauced inside your own residence (we're thinking, we're thinking), oh that's right, nothing. If I lived alone the thought of this might be depressing, but I have my hubs to thank for the bartending, and my son for the reason to need a drink. Don't get me wrong, he is probably the most amazing kid on the plant (c'mon I'm the mom, I'm supposed to be biased), but after a long day with a 9 month old, the wine seems to pour itself.
Speaking of the child, it's recently come to my attention, from everyone that I speak to, that It's outrageous that I haven't started planning his birthday party yet. Is it just me, or is it 2.5 months away!? In the spirit of trying to be a good mother, I have purchased a pack of half-assed Target invitations because my husband made a huge stink about me ordering any personalized ones, and I'm now trying to nail down a date. The seems simple to the untrained un-parent, but from what I understand it's a sensitive business planning a toddler's birthday party, especially when said toddler's birthday falls directly between Christmas and New Years. Any thoughts, are you listening out there?